Great Danes

I found this on another site and thought it was really funny. (maybe its just because I own a dane) Regardless, I loved it.

You know you are a Great Dane owner when…

-your dog woke you up in the middle of the night to warn you of the dangers of a kitchen chair, then (a week later) slept through the theft of your valuables

-you walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are

-you can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch

-you own a dog capable of pulling someone from a porta potty

-visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively

-you toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway

-you take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns

-you go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling

-you avoid the dog on your way out the door, so she won't smear your makeup

-the donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose

-your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation

-your dog sticks her head out of the car window in the drive-through window at MacDonald's and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change.

-you purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television

-your dog farted loudly, then chased her butt to find out where the noise came from

guests tell your dog to "sit," and he/she immediately sits – on them

-you wish someone would make a rawhide bone that would last more than 5 minutes

-you have not been able to navigate through your house in a straight line for years

-you really can blame rude noises on the dog

-your dog backs up out of small rooms

-you have bruises on your thighs from that weird leaning thing he does

-the term "lap dog" takes on a whole new meaning

-you begin referring to smaller dogs as "treats on feet"

-you have saved your dog from being wedged under a coffee table

-you issue athletic cups at your front door to all male visitors

-you do a small correction on your friend's little dog and it flies up in the air

and......

Answers to questions that Dane owners always get asked…


Q: "How did he get soooo big?"
A: "We put Miracle Grow in his water."

Q: "Do you have a saddle for that thing?"
A: "Oh no, he's been trained to carry me in his mouth."

Q: "What kind of dog is that?"
A: "It's not really a dog, it's a Holstien. He's just a little confused."

Q: "How much does he eat?"
A: "Two kids a week"

Q: "Why is he so big?"
A: "We live near a nuclear power plant."

Q: "Does he bite?"
A: "Only on Tuesdays. Oops, that's today, isn't it?"

Q: "How much does he eat?"
A: "How much do you weigh?"

Q: "Can I ride him?"
A: "No, he charges too much"

Q: "What do you feed a 150-pound dog?"
A: "Anything he wants."

Q: "Have you fed that thing today?"
A: "Why? Are are you missing a kid?"