Panic Attack

Panic is defined by one medical website as "an anxiety disorder that causes repeated, unexpected attacks of intense fear. These attacks may last from minutes to hours."

Another describes "Experiencing a panic attack has been said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life"

Mayo Clinic states "A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that develops for no apparent reason and that triggers severe physical reactions. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you're losing control, having a heart attack or even dying."

I always thought that these type things were something that you could completely control and all in your head.  Unfortunately I've recently joined the ranks of the thousands of people that deal with this on a regular basis. Fortunately I've married a man who is (also unfortunately) versed in this. He always knows exactly what to do.  During the last episode, gosh saying *typing* this out loud seems so silly and juvenile... but as I started to feel my pulse race, short of breath, and felt like my world was ending. Jake ran over and hugged me. but not a normal hug. He literally was squeezing me as hard as he could. I was able to calm down enough to take my anxiety meds and he continued to hug me.  I was honestly shocked at how much that helped. I literally had no idea that this is something that can calm a person down who's in the middle of a panic attack. I've decided to come up with a list ( I love lists) of things to go through when I have another panic/anxiety attack. Please remember I'm no expert. I've just been in this situation.

1. Focus on breathing, slow, deep, and steady. Have someone hug you tight.
2. Don't think "ahead" just focus on right now, and what matters.
3. Accept that you're having a panic attack, say it out loud if you need to, and that it will pass.
4. if you hyperventilate, try breathing into a bag for a moment or two.
5. If you're prescribed some sort of medication for it, take the medication.
6. Yoga, or some sort of relaxation method helps prevent them.
7. Talk to someone about it, therapist, spouse, parent, whatever. Talking helps.  
8.  Remind yourself, "I'm having a panic attack, I'm not going to die, just breathe and this will pass"

Wow my blog is getting personal. lol

death

Warning, depressing post. Read at your own risk.
A couple months ago I witnessed my first deceased infant. let me explain. A father brought in a 3 day old that wasnt breathing. The code was called and within minutes a team of doctors and nurses surrounded the infant doing everything possible to keep him alive. Life flight was called, the lab was standing by for any blood work to be run, and the poor father was just watching all this. After what seemed like an hour, the doctors became quiet and called it. "Time of death..." the emergency room was silent. After returning to the lab and discussing the incident with the tech that was in the room, from the corner of my eye I caught a flicker of red. Life flight landed not even 3 minutes after the TOD was called.
I was sent to return to the ER to pick up our draw kit. Unfortunately my timing was impeccable. The grandfather was carrying the infants grey lifeless body down the hall.

I've seen death before. I've been around terminal patients. But to witness a deceased 3 day old baby... this has really stuck with me. I realize death is something that will be a constant in my chosen career path. I'll have to do the best I can to be caring, sympathetic, and involved. But also, at a distance. I can't let that part of the job burn me out.

If anyone has some advice on dealing with death, I'm all ears.

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"my chin ran into the curb"

Man comes into the ER with a huge cut on his face. When questioned as to why, he said he rode his bicycle into a wall. While the doc was stitching him up it became apparent that this man was unbelievably drunk. They let him sober up a bit and sent him on his way.
An hour passes... the same man with the same bicycle gets escorted back into this small town ER. When asked what happened this time, he replied with something like, "my chin ran into the curb." After starting an iv in hopes to sober him up enough to get through the night, he was asked how he got so drunk so fast. He admitted that on his way out, he stole a hospital grade bottle of hand sanitizer and drank the entire thing before exiting the building.

Dang! That's one desperate drinker!

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Our "Family" Christmas Pictures

We had so much fun doing this. We got out all my camera equipment and my remote.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

	My 2nd Love!
	She thinks she's a lap dog...
	muah!
	My Favorite Picture

Changes

Maybe this is too personal to be posting on a blog. But, I feel like if I do, it will be more real, and more achievable.  As anyone very close to me knows, I have and have had issues with my opinion of myself, self image/ whatever you want to call it. I really don't want this to turn into some sob story about how horrible I feel about myself because and how I'm fishing for compliments that's not really how I feel right now. I honestly have never been this unhealthy or overweight in my life. I realize that I'm not obese. Or terribly over weight for that matter. However,    I wish I could see myself how my husband see's me. Beautiful.  At the same time my genetics and family history of medical issues has began to worry me.  I don't want to struggle with energy levels, or sleep issues, or heart problems, or cancer for that matter.  I want to be the healthiest person I can. After a couple years of just self pity and feeling sick way too often, I've decided its time to make changes. So starting about a month ago the first change I made is trying to change the way I eat.  Some of my new "staples" I've posted pictures of.  At first it was extremely difficult. I'm definitely an "emotional eater" so to say, and finally reading food labels almost made me crazy.  But I'm becoming a lot more conscious of what foods I put in my mouth. Right down to gum, hard candy, and juices.  So, here's a few things I've found (with the help of a friend) that are, like I said, new "staples" for me. I didn't add all the veggies, seemed too repetitive :)

Salad Spritzers - 1 Cal per spray	Sugar Free Jello - 10 cal per cup	Egg Whites are just good
My favorite Hot Sauce Zero Calories	I'm a fan of mustard but its also Zero Calories	Imitation Cheese that actually tastes Like cheese!
Walden Farms has TONZ Of zero cal/sugar/carb Everything	Sugar Free and Low Cal (if you stick to the portion sizes)	Salad is just good I eat as much as I want of this. Its great
My #1 Food right now. Shirataki Noodles Zero Calories	Steamed Squash and zuchini is one of my favorite additions to meals	Basically Tofu Dogs with smoked Flavor. Actually tastes pretty good with mustard and Kraut.
I had no Idea that Kosher Kill pickles are Zero Calories	Diet green tea is one of my favorite drinks to switch up the water	I just like sprouts and they're good for you!
I'm a fan of Kraut thanks to Jake 5 Cals per 1/4 cup. Not bad	Love to marinade and season chicken with these. also 0 cals.	Did anyone else know that Pam(or similar) is 0 Calories?
I use this to season the Shiritaki Noodles, and it tastes great! this sauce is 0 cal. (some aren't though)	Apples are my favorite. easy to grab and go. Great when I have a sweet tooth.	Clementines are tied for 1st with apples. Sweet, smell really good, and good for you.
Great new find. Wasa Crisp Bread, Great to snack on. 35 cals per cracker, no fat, no sugar.	Great snack when craving breads 4 of these thin ones is only 110 cals	Also good for Bread cravings. 50 cals per 4 "snacks" and not much else.

As far as eating goes I've lost 15 lbs in a month. I'm pretty excited about that, just wish it showed. But the food I eat is only half the battle.  There's still the mental and physical part.  First of all I have to say, I have the most supportive husband in the entire world. He's put up with my moodiness about craving sugar, he's been to the health food store countless  times without complaining or acting annoyed that the "health food" tends to be much more $ than regular grocery store foods. He's helped me come up with new ideas for meals that cut out the sugar and most fat. I really could not have made it this far without him.  To add to the amazing-ness that is my husband, I've been talking with him about a goal I've set for myself. I want to run a 5k. I'd love to say I want to run a marathon, but I gotta start small or I'll never get there.  He's agreed to start this program I found called Couch to 5k. Supposedly if you stick to it, you'll be ready to run a 5k in 9 weeks. My reasoning behind this is two fold. 1st, was my previous point, of simply wanting to weigh less. 2nd, the more important reason... I have to start taking better care of my health. I guess fear is a good motivator. I don't want to end up struggling to make it up stairs, or having my heart pound just getting the mail. to be blunt, I don't want to die of a heart attack or something that I likely could have prevented.  So with my supportive husband at my side. I've set the goal to begin this couch to 5k program January 3, 2011.  Since Jake and I are going out of town, we did our Christmas early. well tonight.  :)  He gave me a consult with a marathon company to get specially fitted running shoes. by the way this is $$$$ pricey.. He was worried I'd be offended, but honestly, I was almost in tears I was so excited.  He knows me so well! He knows this is something I desperately want to do. I don't want to fail at this. I believe this will be a fantastic motivator to get me started.

So, if anyone out there reads my blog. I have some questions for you.

1. Any suggestions to someone thats just starting to run?
2. Recommendations on diversity in healthy foods or meals?
3. Any motivation/encouraging thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I'll keep posting the progress.

"Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity. "
John F. Kennedy

Sureal

Let me just say, I'm not a deeply religious person. It's very sad to see such a beautiful, historical piece of architecture in ruins. Its one thing to see this in the news. But to actually walk around the building is quite another.... There's a somber calm (the only way I can think to put it) when you're standing there. Regardless of the idling fire trucks and crumbling sounds coming from within. All I can say is it was an experience I wont soon forget.

These pictures do not come close to doing it justice...